Last Words

Sophomore year has by far been one of my roughest years yet. I have been through things this year that I would have never dreamed in my worst nightmares. As if the constant stress of school isn’t enough, I have had to deal with the loss of two of the most important people in my life. Losing my Granddaddy and Aunt Debbie has completely changed my life. Not only have I doubted myself to the point of despair, but I have doubted my faith- one thing that my Granddaddy and Aunt Debbie would not tolerate. However, I have also leaned on my faith like never before this year, and that scares me a little; I’ve never really been one to depend on others. However, leaning on God has helped me like never before. I find myself constantly asking why He took them away, but then I remember all that He has still blessed me with, all of the people that are still here. I cannot even begin to count the number of people that I have pushed away this year, and I have no one to blame but myself. I truly do have the greatest family and friends that a girl could ask for; they mean everything to me. Exams are also coming up and I have just found out that I tore my ACL. I hate that I have  to have surgery, but I hate the thought of not being able to use my knee more. I can’t imagine not playing soccer, marching in band, or even just swimming. Although this year hasn’t been the best, I sure do have a lot to be grateful for. I have learned that faith can take you a long way, if you have it. The challenges and trials that I have been through this year will only help me grow into a much stronger person in the end, into the person that I want to become.  

One-Word Essay: Grief

There is no escaping grief; it is something that every human being will eventually have to experience. It is never-ending, its effect everlasting. There are some days where everything is perfectly okay, and others where nothing seems to help. Memories are what make grieving so hard, yet it is the main thing keeping you sane. The constant struggle of wanting to see your loved ones again becomes so overwhelming that at times it is unbearable. However, reminiscing on the cherished memories is the only thing that you can hold onto. Grief is something that can swallow you whole if you let it. It’s like a huge black hole that keeps sucking you in, even though you are trying with all of your might to get out; it conquers you. You try to carry on as if everything is all right, but it all becomes too much. That once care-free smile somehow turned into something forced. The sense of joy that you used to feel slowly starts to drift away and all that’s left is darkness. Trying to seem okay suddenly overwhelms you to the point of despair. Everything that you once knew, you begin to question. However, even when you’re at your most vulnerable, there is an answer: God. When that black hole is sucking you in, it is Him who pulls you out. The heartache over your lost loved ones will never go away fully, but God can help ease that pain. He can take that pain and turn it into motivation, and from that motivation, you will find strength in yourself that you never even knew you had before. You’re going to want to just give up at some point, but God won’t let you. If you let Him, He will be there every step of the way, lifting you with His love. Although at times you may feel alone, He is still there for you to lean on. Don’t let grief defeat you; defeat the pain yourself, with the help of God. 

Knowledge (Re-Do Pass)

If somehow, all knowledge (not just scientific) was destroyed, the one sentence that I would tell the next generation would be, “Believe in the possibility, even when life is giving you every reason not to.” I chose this sentence, because no matter what generation you’re in, you can definitely count on life getting hard. Everyone will eventually come across a problem in their lives, whether they’re nine or thirty-nine. That problem can be as minor as homework or as colossal as death; it’s still a problem, no matter the size. However, they shouldn’t let these troubles overrule their lives. I know from experience that it is not easy to stay strong when life just keeps knocking you down every time you get back on your feet, but it will only make you stronger in the end. In one of my memoirs, I wrote, “If you don’t lose yourself in the face of a tragedy, then that truly will be an accomplishment.” I find this to be true. It is extremely hard to keep going on through life when you feel like your feet have been shot out from under you. However, every single person has the potential to get right back up when life knocks them down; there is a not a person who doesn’t. Today, many people, me included, lose hope so easily. And the sad part is, today’s generation finds this tolerable. However, it is never, under any circumstances, acceptable to lose faith in yourself. I would pass this sentence along to the next generation in hopes that they would remember to always have faith in themselves, and others as well. I hope that they would remember to always believe in the possibility that things will turn around, because God will take care of everything. He will never give anyone a problem that they can’t handle. 

Inside My Head

There are so many things that run through my mind every day, most of which I can’t even begin to explain. If someone looked into my brain, they would be confused. I even confuse myself sometimes. I am going to try to explain some of the things in my head.

I am usually thinking about grades and school for the majority of the time. I worry over grades so much that sometimes I become downright exhausted just from worrying. The sad part is that my parents don’t put a lot of pressure on me about grades; I put a lot of pressure on myself. How I do in school now reflects most of my future. I have to make good grades to get into a good college to make something of myself. Just the thought of failing scares me.

I am always thinking of my family and friends. They are some of the most important things in my life. Without them, I wouldn't be who I am today. I am so blessed to have the family and friends that I have. Peyton, Hannah, and Cody have really been there for me lately and I have no idea what I would do without them. The last couple of months have been pretty bad, but they all seem to make it a little better. I love my family and friends so much.

Granddaddy and Aunt Debbie are probably what I think about most. They are in every single thought that I have.  How could they not be? I am so used to seeing them almost every day, and now I don’t see them at all. That isn’t exactly a minor change. I will always remember the memories that I had with them; I will never forget them. 

God is always on my mind . I try to always keep good faith because without it, well, I honestly don’t know where I would be in life. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that I will one day see my Granddaddy and Aunt Debbie again in Heaven. I believe that He has a plan for me and that everything happens for a reason, even if I don’t understand it. He gave me life and I owe Him my life. I will forever worship Him. 

Teen Problems

The number one problem facing teenagers is stress.  Teenagers stress over school, family problems, relationships, and their identities. Most adults always say, “Teenage years were the best years of your life!”  However, they left out all of the hardships that came along with being a teenager. Personally, I think that being a teenager is one of the hardest phases to go thorough in life. Not only are teens stressing out over grades in school, but they stress over finding themselves, home/family problems, and even relationship problems.

This chart shows how many students feel pressured to improve their grades.

According to SmartGirl’s report on Peer Pressure, most students feel pressured to improve their grades. High school students are not only stressed over perfect grades for College, but most have to satisfy their parents as well. They have to try and balance out their life with school, family, work, and possibly a relationship. Eventually, it all becomes too much to handle. As many as 1 in every 33 children may have depression; in teens, that number may be as high as 1 in 8 (Understanding Depression).

Teenage years are also considered the hardest years to go through in life because it is when most teens are trying to find themselves. Girls especially have a problem with this. Since society portrays that you have to be skinny in order to fit in, they think that they have to be a size zero or a size two. This is one example out of a million. Teens also feel stressed to give into peer pressure with drugs, alcohol, and sex. Some even have the constant stress of home problems, whether it is their parents going through a divorce, physical or mental abuse, the death of a loved one, etc.  

In order to help prevent stress, teachers should start taking into consideration how much work they are giving their students. I understand that they have to teach a certain amount of work by the end of the school year, but they need to step back and look how much they are giving their students. Also, parents should take into consideration how their children are feeling. It’s good for teenagers to have that reassurance that they can talk to. Teenagers should also just try to relax sometimes; that would help a lot. They are so stressed out about everything that they don’t take the time to worry about themselves.

http://www.stress-management-for-peak-performance.com/teen-stress.html

http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/understanding_depression.html

http://www.smartgirl.org/reports/1866433.html

http://www.livewelllivelong.com/Depression%20children%20incidence%20prevention.html

What Makes You Come Alive?

I'd be lying if I said that I didn't think long and hard about this question. However, thinking about it now, I realize that I have definitely been over-thinking it. What makes me come alive? There are many things that makes me come alive, the main one being faith. Having faith in God is the only thing that keeps me going in life; it is what lets me know that life is real. Every day, there are bad things that happen, but getting through those things is a lot easier with God. There are some days in this world where I feel completely numb and worthless, but it is God that brings me hope; He is the reason that I am alive. I have mentioned in one of my blogs before that faith is what saved me and I wasn't exaggerating. Without it, I wouldn’t be where I am today. My faith is my motivation in life. When everyone else walks out of my life, God doesn’t and He never will. His love for me is unconditional, just as my love for Him is.

Music also makes me come alive; it is my passion. I love when I listen to a song and it explains exactly how I feel.  It doesn’t matter if I’m happy, upset or even just giggly… there’s always a song for it. It’s amazing to me how one song can sum up the way that I’m feeling. When I am feeling at my most vulnerable, I turn to music. It expresses my feelings in a way that nothing else can; it’s my release from all the troubles of life.

Another thing that makes me come alive is seeing others happy. There is nothing that I love more than seeing other people happy, especially my loved ones. Not only that, but I love making people happy. I don’t care how unhappy I am because seeing others joyful is enough for me. Just seeing two people happy together in a grocery store pleases me; it’s the small things that I enjoy. I love the smile that my one and a half year old cousin gives me when I chase her around the living room and I love seeing how happy my Grandma is when all of our family is together. Moments like that are what I live for. They make life worth living. 

Fraction Friends?

“You’re the average of the five people that you spend the most time with.” –Jim Rohn

I agree with this statement made by Jim Rohn. If you think about it, the people that we spend the most time with really do have an effect on us. How can they not? There are unique and special things that I love about each and every single person in my life. Choosing the five people that I spend the most time with is so hard for me, mainly because of the fact that I have such a huge family and the fact that I could probably write about my entire band class. I have tried to narrow it down though. 

Mama and Deddy: Of course, being my parents, I spend the most time with my Mama and Deddy. Most people say that I am a spitting image of my Deddy, with the way I look and the way I act. There is never a day that he doesn't have a smile on his face and even in the worst of situations, he tries to find the good. As for my Mama, I definitely got my loudness from her. The thing that I envy most about my Mama is her selflessness. No matter how bad things are for her, she always puts everyone else first. Together, they have taught me to always treat others with respect and to treat everyone equally. Not only that, but they have taught me to keep a strong faith no matter how hard life gets and to always trust that God has a plan.

Justina: Being six years apart, my sister and I didn't really become all that close until last year. I have learned so much from my her. She has such adamant strength and no matter how many times life knocks her down, she just keeps getting right back up; that's what I admire most about her. I don't care how bad the situation is, she always keeps going. I hope that I can be half the person that my sister is one day.

Kimberly: Kimberly is my first cousin, but she has always been more like a sister to me. She has a heart of gold and she would do anything for anyone. She has always been like a role model to me. Even when I was little, I always looked up to her. She has always taught me to always stay true to myself, no matter what others think. I can definitely say that I got my bluntness and sarcasm from her. She has always been the type of person that is straightforward. She tells you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear; that is one of the things that I love most about her.

Grandma: My Grandma is one of the most kindhearted people that you will ever meet. Even though she can be stubborn as a mule and just plain out hard-headed sometimes, I wouldn't have it any other way. My Mama and Aunt Debbie definitely got their selflessness from my Grandma. She always worries about other people, so much that she forgets to worry about herself most of the time. Although she is very opinionated at times, she means well. My Grandma is such a strong person and she is  a huge part of he reason why I am who I am.

Peyton: Peyton is my best friend. She is not afraid to speak her mind and is one of the most caring people that you will ever meet. She is the type of person that you can trust with absolutely anything. She has taught me that sometimes it's okay to lean on other people and that I don't have to handle everything on my own. I don't care what it is, she is always there for me in a heartbeat. She and her family are like a second family to me. As corny as it sounds, she has taught me the true meaning of friendship. She is always there when I need her, and so are Hannah and Myranda. All three of them are so down to earth and I love the fact that I can act like a complete idiot and they still love me. Hannah always makes everything better with one word. Even on my worst days, she makes me smile. I love our friendship because we are always so sarcastic with each other. Myranda, or cutie as I like to call her, is the most care-free and unique. I love how she is her own person and how she never cares of what others think. Just having her around is great because she is always there to listen to whatever you have to say. Peyton, Hannah, and Myranda are my best friends and they always will be; it's simple as that.

Ms. Wright: I realize that I have went well over my limit of five people to talk about, but I just couldn't help myself. Ms. Wright, you have made such a huge impact on my life this year. Do you know why? Because you care, and you don't just act like you care, you actually do. That means more than you'll ever know. You have taught me that it's okay to be myself and that I shouldn't care about what others think of me. I really do think that you and I share the same brain sometimes because you understand everything that I say. I honestly don't know what I would do if I had never met you.

Although I am my own person, each of these people make up apart of me. Whether it be Kimberly's sarcasm, Grandma's stubbornness, or my Mama's loudness.  I know that God has put all of these people in my life for a certain reason. They all mean the world to me and I think that it has made me a better because being around them has shaped me into the person that I am and the person that I want to become. 

Are Our Fears Rational?

There is not a single person in this world that is fearless. We all have fears that have at some point in our lives pushed us to our limit. Some of us fear heart-break, while some of us fear love. Some of us fear starvation, while some of us fear becoming over-weight. We may not all fear the same thing, but we all fear something, whether it is something big or small; it doesn’t change the fact that it’s still a fear. I think that most people’s fears are rational. Who am I to say that they aren’t? We all fear the things that we fear for specific reasons. However, just because we fear things doesn’t mean that we should let these things take over our lives. Then again, that is a lot easier said than done.

Like every other person, I have fears too. The thing that I fear most in this world is losing my loved ones. Unfortunately, my worst fear came true. I know that I will see them again one day in Heaven, but just the thought of them not being here with me kills me. It still scares me to know that I could lose more of the people that I love. Not only that, but I fear that someone will hurt my loved ones. Seems like a pretty stupid fear, right? I mean everyone eventually winds up getting hurt, but I can’t stand seeing my loved ones in pain. If I could, I would take all the pain for them. You see, my fears seem rational to me, but they may not seem rational to other people. Of course, those aren’t all of my fears. I fear other things as well, but those things still seem rational to me too. I have a reason for each of my fears, just as others have reasons for each of theirs.

If you think about it, nothing deserves our fear. You are the only one that can decide that for yourself though. A lot of things don’t deserve fear, but that doesn’t stop us from fearing. It’s like in the movie Harry Potter when Hermoine and Harry first met Hagrid’s half-brother, Grawp. They were terrified at the huge giant at first because he looked scary, but after seeing that he was no threat and that he was actually really nice, they understood that they had nothing to fear. We all fear things in this world, but how we handle them are up to us. We can let them take over our lives or we can stand up and confront them and take a chance because if you live your life in fear, then you really aren’t living at all.